Soft like silk

The bed creaked as someone jumped into. Not someone, Hanako. I could hear her crawling up the bed, thinking I was still asleep. She got close to my face and placed her head next to mine. One of her small hands caressed my cheek, I opened my eyes and saw her chocolate eyes staring at me like Akemi used to do.

"Sally, where is mommy?" she whispered.

Akemi. My Akemi. How should I tell Hanako that her mother was never coming back? That she had left the two of us alone in the world? Hanako resembled her too much at that moment, she looked exactly how I had imagined Akemi would have looked like as a child. I sat in bed and braided her hair, her long silky black hair. I had to tell her, but I didn't know how, I was still coming into terms with it myself. I had seen Akemi that same morning, after all. I had kissed her goodbye as she left for work. Hanako hadn't seen her that morning, as she was still sleeping. We went through our daily lives, Hanako at school, and me working from home. And then I got that call. Akemi had had a stroke, she was at the hospital. I remember the rush to call the babysitter for Hanako, the slow taxi drive to the airport, the cold and white light everywhere. The nurses took me to Akemi, lying on the bed, unresponsive. I might have pinched myself at that moment, just to make sure it was real, it was painfully real. After that came the hours of waiting, the doctors coming and going, while I just sat down and waited. No one told me, but deep inside I felt there was nothing to do. Maybe it was something in the way the doctors looked at her, but the fact is that when they finally told me that she was dead, I was ready for the news.

I cried all the way from the hospital to our apartment. It wasn't hysterical crying, just the tears escaping my eyes and rolling down my face to the scarf around my neck. Akemi was gone and she had left us alone. When I arrived home, Hanako was already sleeping, the babysitter stared at me and hugged me, without a word. I collapsed into bed as soon as I was alone, needing to sleep it off, to gather energy to face a world without Akemi.

When I finished braiding her hair, Hanako turned around and hugged me.

"Mommy is not coming back? It's okay, Sally, don't cry, you can be my mommy now."