Pillow

"Never" that was Oneida's answer when people asked her when would she get married, have children or even be in a relationship. "I'm not ready to be boring" she would add, immediately. She always had snarky remarks and rolled her eyes at couples. Her friends already joked at her about how she would become a crazy cat lady, but they secretly envied her for her independence.

One of her favorite sentences was "I don't need anyone to be happy." and she repeated it to everyone who would listen. And she was happy. Most of the time. Other times she wasn't, those were times when she needed a hug. And she never had anyone close to give it to her, those times she hugged a pillow and cried herself to sleep.

Stone

As soon as the door closed, I called Sharleen, it took her a bit to pick it up, and I had started to regret it when I heard her voice. 

-Hi! What's up?- she asked cheerfully. 

-He came.

Her voice became gloomy, devoid of all the joyfulness it had before. 

-Did you tell him what you had to tell him? 

After Ryan broke up with me, we had spent long hours talking about what should I do should he return. 

I sighed. 

-You didn't.- she sounded disappointed.- Emma, you didn't. I can't believe it. He's toxic, he gets inside of you and poisons you from there, he rips your heart apart. Don't you remember those times when you suffered because you hadn't heard of him for days? Don't you remember how needy he made you and how he only cared for you when he wanted something? Have you really forgotten everything? 

I stayed silent. I knew she was right. I knew. I agreed with everything she said. But I still loved him. The irrational part in me still loved him, and I couldn't forget as easily. 

-I still love him.- I said in the end. 

-You'll be tripping on the same stone twice. 

-I know. 

-He won't change. 

-I'm aware. 

-Good luck.- she said as goodbye. 

"I'll need it" I said to the air. "I'll need it, indeed." 

Dawn

The sound of rain against the waterproof fabric of the tent woke Morgan up. He turned around and found the other side of the portable matress empty. He checked his watch and saw that it was almost 6 am. He fished in his backpack for a jacket and a umbrella, put on his walking shoes, and got out to try to find Nereida. 

They had camped behind some dunes on the beach, he climbed the dunes, the hood of his jacket pulled over his head. The rain intensified, but the sky over the sea was clear showing the first lights of dawn, down on the beach there was a dark bulge that Morgan identified as Nereida. He walked down to her, opened the umbrella, and sat beside her. She was smiling, starig at the sea, the salty wind on her face, her hair wet from the rain. She was wrapped on a blanket, but it wasn't doing much, soaked as it was. 

-It's raining.- he said. 

-I know.- Nereida replied, her eyes still on the sea.- I wanted to see the sunrise, and the sea is so beautiful when it rains. 

She fell silent and the sound of the waves washing on the shore filled the void in the conversation. Rain kept falling while the sun rose on the sea, they watched in silence under the umbrella. Suddenly, Nereida stood up and started undressing. 

-What are you doing?- Morgan asked. 

-No ho entendries.- Nereida replied in her native Catalan. 

Indeed, Morgan wouldn't understand, he stared in disbelief at her as she jumped stark naked in the sea under the rising sun. 

Cat

It all started when I turned twenty-seven, I was extremely busy and spent most of my time at work. I would go from work to my place and from my place to work. I avoided social interactions because they made my tired, because I started hating people. During the weekends I'd spend most of the time sleeping and the rest eating and going for short runs. I didn't give it much importance, I was tired, it was normal, I had lots of pressure. 

I wasn't worried, but my mother was. She told me that I needed to socialize more, that I was becoming a hermit. I told her that it was nonsense and carried on with my life. When my teeth started getting sharp I thought that maybe it was something I was eating, or that I maybe I grinded my teeth while sleeping. Next, it was my eyes, the pupils became smaller and vertical. I went to the doctor, but he said that, except for the shape of the pupils, everything was alright, he ran some more tests and still couldn't find anything wrong. When I grew whiskers there was nothing to do, in matter of weeks I was covered in fur, had grown whiskers, and walked on all fours. I had become a human-sized cat and I fulfilled my destiny of not getting out of home ever again. 

Needy

Alone on a sofa, a young girl sat, she was waiting for someone who worked in that building, nervous, fidgeting, checking her phone while casting glances at the elevators behind the security point. I study her, she's young, twenty-five at most. She's wearing a blouse and a skirt, but they don't seem to be her usual clothes, she seems dressed for a job interview, but, somehow, I don't think she's here for work. Her phone buzzes and she jumps on her seat, disappontment shows on her face as soon as the screen lits up, it's either not what she was waiting for or not the answer she was waiting for. She crossed her legs and started playing with her dark hair before remembering she had probably spent lots of time putting it up. It was painful to look at, she had been waiting for thirty minutes and I could see how her eyes where shinny, holding back the tears. Part of me wanted to sit with her and calm her down, but I couldn't do it, I was simply an observer. When I thought she was about to leave, the person she was waiting for appeared. 

I knew him. He was one of the youngest CEOs of the building, he was driven, he was ambitious, amd I hated him. He was an asshole who treated everyone as if they were less than him. He energetically walked up to her. She sprang on her feet, reaching out for a kiss that was denied. 

-What are you doing here?- he asked authoritatively. 

-You're not replying to my texts.  

He looked down at her with contempt. 

-I'm busy. 

-John, you haven't replied to me for two days.- she was crying. 

-I told you, I'm busy. You can't come here crying every time I don't have time to reply to you, Susan. 

-But I need to know. I need to know you're okay, I need to know you love me. I need you to talk to me.- she grabbed his arm.- I need to know you love me. 

-You need to much, Susan. You need me to be there for you all the time. You need someone to reassure you all the time. You are not confident, you hold to me like a shipwrecked to driftwood. You text me three thousand times a day, and you text me the most silly things just to feel you have someone who pays attention to you. You're needy, Susan. Needy. 

She was openly crying and sank back to the sofa as he turned his back on her and walked away. I kept cleaning the windows, pretending I hadn't heard anything, no one ever paid attention to me. 

Solo

-You, what?!-said Frank in disbelief. 

We had been dating for almost a year and it was the first time I saw him like that. 

-I'm going on vacations.- I was already carrying my heavy backpack, my plane was leaving three hours later.- I know you don't like to travel, and I actually asked you if you wanted to go anywhere. Since you told me you'd rather stay home and I need to get away from everything,... I decided to go away on my own. 

-You need to get away from everything? Including me?!- I rolled my eyes at that.- Liz! 

-Not from you! From this.- I pointed around.- I need to see new things! 

-We will talk when we come back.- he sounded like my father. I didn't like it a bit. 

I spent those vacations at the shores of the Baltic Sea in Latvia, doing nothing but sitting on the beach for hours, feeling alive. I also discovered the streets of Rīga, the hidden alleys of Kuldīga. I swam in rivers and I swam in the sea until I felt clean of my burdens. And I talked to travelers. People who, like me, needed to get away from their daily lives, people who were looking for new experiences, or people who had made of traveling their lifestyle. I found peace, and I didn't miss Frank even once. He came to pick me up at the airport, clearly still mad at me. 

-How was it? Did you have fun?- he asked.- I missed you. 

I looked him square in the eye. 

-You don't understand why I needed it, do you? You not only don't understand it, but you don't even try to understand it. To you I'm an anomaly because I rather spend time away from you. You know what? I didn't miss you, and you didn't miss me either. We are not made for each other, I need someone who wants to explore the world with me not someone who will tell me off for daring to do so. Goodbye, Frank. 

I picked up my backpack and headed to the train station to take the train back home, to many more adventures, and to someone who would actually take trains for me. 

Prison

-Come on!- he whispered from the top of the wall. 

Anne looked up at him, the wall was not even two meters high at that point, it was feasible, yet she hesitated. 

-Anne, don't chicken out now.- Rick insisted. 

She looked up again and started climbing the wall, halfway Rick grabbed her by the hand and dragged her up. In front of them the abandoned prison gleamed under the moonlight. The barbed wired looked silvery on top of the buildings, the rusty bars black against the cracked windows. The shadows of weeds could be seen sprouting everywhere as the building decayed. Between them and the complex there was a wire fence, there were several holes on it where people had snuck in before them. Rick jumped off the wall into the soft earth beneath it and waited for Anne to get down. 

-Are you sure there are no guards?- she asked him. 

-Yes! Don't worry. 

He lead her towards the fence and held the wire open for her to pass, it let out a rusty whine as it moved. The stretch between the wire fence and the prison was unevenly paved, with some trees starting to sprout from the holes, recovering the natural order. A cloud covered the moon, leaving them in the dark. 

-Be careful.-Rick told Anne. 

However, she moved easily trough the rough terrain, in a beeline towards the main gate of the prison. The gate was large, five meter high and three meter wide, its doors were of reinforced iron, fifty centimeters thick, and one of them lay down on the floor unhinged by the rust. The tunnel went all the way into a small courtyard with marked parking spaces, a pickup truck with deflated tyres had been left there in the haste. Anne looked up, cracked windows stared down at her, it was the administration building, the smallest one, only five-story tall. 

-That's where the offices were, and where the officials slept sometimes.-Rick explained.-Come, let's go this way. 

Rick had already been several times inside the prison, it was the first time for Anne, however, and she had been the one who had insisted on going, she needed to see it with her own eyes. Rick turned the flashlight and opened yet another rusty door to a windowless corridor. It stretched for a hundred meters, going from the administration building to the main prison building. They couldn't see it, but above them two twenty meter-high wire fences topped by meters of coiled barbed wire. At the end of the corridor another metallic door stood ajar. Rick pushed it open with his shoulder. 

-Where do you want to go?-he asked Anne. 

-Solitaire.-she said determined. 

-Are you sure?-Rick replied hesitantly. 

Anne simply nodded and signed him to continue. They walked through empty corridors, the doors of the cells wide open showing the carcasses of the bunk beds. Here and there there were empty beer cans and glass bottles that shone under the beam of light. Inside one of the cells there was a mattress that had clearly been smuggled in, some empty condom packages made it clear what had been its purpose. They kept walking until they found a flight of stairs, they were worn out on the way up, after thousands of feet had walked up and down, on the way down they were covered with dust and litter. They went down to the basement. The corridor was narrower than the one upstairs and two iron gates guarded the entrance, the doors of the cells were all closed and they had to pull hard until they found one that would open. The cell behind it was minuscule, the ceiling was barely one meter and a half tall, forcing them to crouch, a small wooden board was by the left wall functioning as a bed, a hole on the floor was the bathroom, and a small blinded out window was there to mock the prisoners on how they were not allowed to see the sunlight. Anne sat on the board, silent. Rick stood by the door, staring worriedly at her, her face was blank, but her eyes showed how she was suffering. He said nothing, however. 

-Turn off the flashlight.-she ordered, her eyes fixed on a point in the floor in front of her. 

He obliged without complaining. Rick could hear her moving on the board, and for the noise she had laid down on the bed. She remained in silence for a while before getting off and pacing around the cell. 

-Now take me to the cemetery.-she said, clutching his arm. 

Rick turned on the flashlight again, they went up the stairs and towards the other side of the building through the empty corridors. The outer wall had crumbled on one point, leaving a hole that opened into a grass covered lawn. There were no markings, not a single headstone or cross, the only thing that marked it as a graveyard were the bones sprouting from the floor. Anne kneeled and grabbed a handful of dirt. She let it slip through her fingers. 

-My grandfather is in this earth.-she said.-He went through all this just because he wanted to make the world a better place. A better place for him, for his family, for everyone. How many of the people who are buried here were killed for doing the right thing? 

Rick kneeled beside her and hugged her. There was nothing he could say, no words could explain the horror. 

Road-tripping around the Baltic States. Day 17: Vilnius-Barcelona.

There's not much to say about today, after all all I did was go to the airport and fly back home, but I promised I'd writea post and here it is. The flight was mostly uneventful except that I was sitted between two armrest hoggers (men, of course) who ignored my attempts of getting some armrest space. I slept some, wrote some (story to come), and hated that the flight was so full of people. Of course when we landed there was people who clapped because there's people who have no self-respect. 

And now that I'm back home it's time for tons of laundry and checking out the pictures, as well as answering the questions some people might have about my trip, and I'm not really sure I want to answer many of those. 

Anyway, I'm going to post a picture of my travel companion during all these days because you still haven't seen it. 

Road-tripping around the Baltic States. Day 16: Rīga-Vilnius.

Today's the real last day of this trip (don't worry, there will be a post tomorrow because everyone loves airplane stories). Anyway, today I had a long drive from Rīga down to Vilnius (it took me nearly 4 hours) and, as usual, I tried to set off early to be able to arrive to Vilnius with enough time to visit it. I have to admit that I had low expectations for the city as I was told that it was the ugly sister of the three capitals. As you'll see from the pictures it is a lively colorful city that has a wild side, if only it were next to the sea it would be perfect. 

It is a quite hilly city and it has thousands* of churches (*they may not actually be thousands). I first went into the oldtown wandering around the sun-soaked streets. It was quite warm, and by this I mean that it was warm enough to make me wish I had actually worn shorts and sandals instead of long pants and hiking shoes. 

This one looks like a blurry shitty picture, but I took it through the fisheye lens I have for my camera, so I'm pretty proud. 

After this I climbed up one of the hills to visit the ruins of a castle and get a nice view of Vilnius. 

This hill. 

And these views. 

And down the hill we go. 

Aaaaand up another hill. It was quite steep and to climb down I decided to take another route and got lost and ended up going through an empty riverbed. 

In here there was an old man in his underwear standing soaking on sunlight. 

And I went to another republic. This is a neighborhood on the other side of the Vilnelė river that considers itself independent and even has its own constitution. 

This is the constitution. I took more pictures so you can read all of it. 

"Everyone has the right to die, but this is not an obligation."

"Everyone has the right not to be loved, but not necessarily." 

"A dog has the right to be a dog."

"A cat is not obligued to love its owner, but must help in times of need." 

"Everyone has the right to be unhappy."

"Everyone has the right to be silent."

"Everyone has the right to understand nothing."

"Do not defeat."

"Do not fight back."

"Do not surrender."

Brb, getting the picture of this I took on my camera enlarged and printed. Yes, I was wearing hot-pink pants. 

And the best for the last. Some of you might know that I'm obsessed with graveyards and there was a pretty cool one in Užupio. (Now there come three thousand pictures of graves, sorry).