Diana

We all have different loves during our lives. We have our first love, we have the one that breaks our heart for the first time, we have loves that we will never forget and those that we forget before they are even over. We have loves that never start. Then, there's loves you weren't even looking for and that change your life. 

This is a story about one of the later. Of a love that happened all the sudden and I still don't know how. A love that was surprising and fun and inevitably sad. This is a story of how Diana made me a better person and still continues to do. 

I was 29 when I met Diana. Supposedly, an established, responsible adult. In reality not much more than an overgrown teenager who barely knew how to take care of herself. Sure, I was no longer living the life I had lived in my early twenties, but I didn't feel the pull for settling that the rest of my friends had felt. And yet, I was too cowardly to go live adventures, focusing on what I thought was a meaningful and successful career which in reality was simply a way to hide my fears. I did dream of traveling and adventure, but it stayed in dreams. I met Diana at a party through common friends, as many people meet each other. She has just moved to my city and was trying to get to know as many people as possible. I am still not sure how or why we hit it off, but my only memories of the party involve talking to her. We exchanged phones as I had told her that I'd show her around, wondering what was I to show her when I barely knew the city myself. At some point during the night, I gave Diana my address and agreed on meeting her during the morning. To this day, I still don't remember having done any of that. I blame the wine. Well, I thank the wine, otherwise, I'd have lost my chance. 

It was extremely early when the doorbell rang. At first, I thought I had dreamt it, but when it didn't stop ringing I realized that there really was someone at the door. I stumbled out of the bed and searched for my bed robe before walking barefoot to open whoever it was that decided that dawn was a proper time to pay me a visit. Diana stood by the door with her best smile, a backpack, and a bag of freshly baked croissants that smelled heavenly. 

"Oh, so you're not ready yet?" she said disappointedly. 

"Ready for what?" I was barely awake, half-naked, and generally flabbergasted about the whole thing. 

"We are going hiking! You told me so! It's such a beautiful day!"

I stared at her incredulously as she entered the house and threaded towards my room. "I see that you are not a morning person, let me find you some clothes and while you get dressed I'll prepare breakfast."

I had started to wake up and was registering what she was saying. But there was something that didn't add up. I did not know any hiking spots. I had never ever gone hiking in my life. I told her so, wondering if she had confused me with someone else. "I know! But luckiky for you, I do!” There was no way out, so I gave up and did what she told me, dressing in sports clothes. She had also fulfilled her promise of breakfast, so at least I could fill my stomach with croissants and coffee. We ate in silence as she had the decency to wait until the coffee kicked in to explain me the plans. 

We spent the whole day together and when sunset came I was irremediably in love. It was the first time I was in love with a woman. It was the first time that love had arrived in such an unexpected manner. But it was love. 

Our relationship was short but filled with unexpected surprises. Diana liked to arrive at my place unannounced with some crazy plan that usually involved me dropping everything that I was doing and just going with the flow. Something that I always had had problems with. She wouldn't take a no for an answer and thanks to her I discovered many things not only about the city but also about myself. I learnt to improvise and I learnt about the beauty of sunrises and sunsets, about seeking beauty everywhere every day. It was intense, it was crazy, and when it was over it was over. Diana had already spent too long with me, I felt it in my bones that she needed to leave. Because, even though I loved her, I knew she would not stay forever. And I decided to be glad that it had happened and to be glad that I had loved her. 

To this day, I still try to look for beauty everywhere I go. It calms my tired brain. I still try to say yes to unexpected plans and adventures. And, in times, even, I propose them myself. And when I do, I know that somewhere Diana is smiling and approving of it, thinking that I'm doing well. Because that's what this love was about, about being better.