5/22/2012

Fear

I've never been a specially fearful person, not even when I was a kid. Of course I have fears, odd fears I'd say. I fear pain and failure, I've grown used to pain, but still I fear it. I fear refusal and sometimes I fear people. I fear death not because of it but because I won't be able to see what happens in the future and I always hated it when stories go unfinished. I also fear the greatness of universe, although I don't even know if that is fear or what it is, it's just that there's so much out there that could finish at any moment now and I'd like to see. But lately what scares me most of all are the news.

Just have a look at a random paper (it shouldn't be so bad if you're not in Spain or Greece). What do you see? Crisis, crisis and crisis. It's everywhere. My family has never been well off, but we've never had economic problems nor we do have them for the moment, but all the same it is very scary to see what's happening in the country and what's happening to lots of families who are being evicted from their homes.  And the future doesn't look much more promising, every week there are more budget cuts, health, education. The country is getting poorer every day maybe because it wasn't so rich in the first place. And the news just make everything worse, the only thing you hear is doom, it doesn't look as if there was an exit, though there should be one because story is ciclic and it always repeats, but this is scary too. For people like me who do not really understand economy this is confusing.

It might sound as if I was just whining and maybe I am, but I just want to live my life the best I can with the rights my ancestors fought for, even if they were maimed after the dictatorship. I want a honest life, a decent house, a good education, a health system that is beside me when I'm ill and some decent politicians. I don't even want to own a house, I just want to be able to work for my expenses and enjoy life, so why is everything so complicated? They tell us to be brave, that this is going to finish eventually but I see no end to it and it's sad and it makes me uneasy, me and many other people. And I guess I should be on the streets now claiming against the system, but I'm lacking the energy, which is awful, because I'm young and I should be ready to fight, but I'm drenched with fear and doom. I feel like the fear of loosing all I've got has just left me paralyzed and wanting to be deaf and blind so I wouldn't hear what is going on and I wouldn't see how everything is upside down.

I believe that I'm not the only one who feels like this, and as I said I've got "no right" to be fearful, I've got a job I love, I've got some money in the bank, a family who could support me economically if needed, but all this could be gone in a second. Just like all the jobless and homeless people out there. Or is it just that I'm too used to a good lifestyle that the perspective of going back in time scares the hell out of me? I know I should be positive, and I've to be, maybe, just maybe it's not quite my day today.

1 comment:

  1. Em sento completament igual. Aquest finde vaig estar a Menorca, suposadament desconectada. Quan posàcvem la ràdio al cotxe i per casualitat hi havia informatius només se sentien problemes de retallades, bankia i crisis... tinc moltes ganes de marxar d'aquest país per no sentir-ho, com a mínim no tant!!

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