Sweeter than loneliness

She missed him too much that it was even painful to breathe. He hadn't been his first but she knew he'd be his last. They had been lovers for 15 years, first, while he was still married to his second wife and she was a naïve young girl who didn't even know he was married, who stared at the world wide-eyed. She still remembered when he told her he was married, how bad she felt for loving him, how much did it hurt to felt cheated on, and how she realized that, even though, she couldn't stop loving him.

After he divorced his second wife they moved in together, but they never married. She knew that for him a ring in his finger would feel like a chain. And so they could spend all those years together and happy.

But now he was gone forever and she could not face her life without him. All she had was that crippling fear that everything would go wrong from then on. She had to fight so hard for the days to pass that she decided to give up the fight. Just like that she stopped living and breathing, because it was easier than fighting. It was easier than waking up every day to find him gone, to find his side of the bed empty. She decided to die so she didn't have to be alone. As for her death was sweeter than loneliness.