Ema had invited me to her birthday party. I was just out of a bad breakup and had had a hard time socializing, I didn't really want to go, but she insisted. At the accorded hour, I was standing in front of her door carrying a bottle of wine. There was no one I knew in there, so I did the most sensible thing and, after greeting Ema, headed to the kitchen to help out. In the kitchen, there was a girl in a red lace dress, an apron over it, and her hair in a messy bun.
-Awesome! Finally someone is coming to give me a hand.
She pointed to a cake with a red-stained knife.
-Could you please open it in half? After that place the sliced strawberries on top of the bottom half while I whip the cream,...-she left the sentence hanging.
-Liam.- I finished the sentence for her.
-Good, Liam.
In a single move, she placed the knife on the counter and grabbed the strawberry plate which she left in front of me. She spun around and took the cream and a bowl out of the fridge while I just stared at her like an idiot.
-Oh, sorry, here, take a knife.- she started whipping the cream with a manual whip.- Are you here on your own, too? I didn't know anyone so I thought I'd do something in the kitchen until the party really started.
She was an enthusiastic girl and we bonded together, as the outcasts we were. When we finished preparing the cake, she washed her hands and took off the apron. She smiled at me.
-How rude of me! I never introduced myself,... I'm Eos.
Eos. I had heard that name before. She glimpsed recognition on my face and was about to ask me about it when Ema came to the kitchen and snatched her away. She had to meet someone, Ema insisted. Eos had been the name of a former girlfriend of Nathan, one of my best friends, I never met her because I was living away by then, but I had heard lots about her. And it hadn't been pretty, not after they broke up, at least. Still, there could be other Eos in the world, that girl seemed reasonable and nice enough.
I didn't have the chance to talk to her until much later. I was smoking on the terrace and she approached with a drink.
-Mind if I join you?- she said as she sat next to me.
-Not at all.
She left her drink on the table and lit a cigarette with a match. Apparently, she had something against appliances that made life easier.
-You had heard about me before.- she said exhaling smoke. It was not a question.
I stared at her. Her caramel eyes stared at me behind thick lashes, deep lines crossed her brow as her eyebrows raised in expectation. She had a mole under the corner of her left eye. She snapped her fingers in front of me. Her nails were long and red, I hadn't realized until now.
-Yes. I had heard of you before.
She sipped on her drink.
-What's his name?
-How do you...
-I know. That's enough. What's his name, then?
-Nathan.
Eos sighed and her eyes wandered into the darkness of the night. We spent some time in silence before she spoke again.
-What did he tell you? No, let me guess, "Eos is a cold hearted bitch, who lacks all kind of empathy, and bathes in the blood of children and puppies". That's what I'd have said, anyway.- she laughed tiredly.
-Well,...- she glared at me, as if asking me not to lie to her.- You're not far off. Nathan said that you had broken his heart in one thousand pieces, that he gave you everything and you never gave anything in return, that he never knew what you were thinking about. He also said that you never told him that you loved him, that you're cruel and relentless. Inflexible. Implacable. That you always asked for more. And he called you the Ice Queen.- Eos scoffed at that.
-Well, that was what he called me when we dated, so I'm glad to see he's still using it. I guess he's right. I never have enough, I'm relentless, inflexible, implacable, cruel. And I'm never happy. I always want more. You're surprised I agree with him.- she stopped.
-Yes, I am.- I hesitated for a second.- You don't look anything like that to me.
-Oh, you're cute, Liam. You really are. I broke your friend's heart and you still think I'm a good person.
The stars twinkled in the sky as the moon rose. The white light reflected in her eyes and I could see a tear or two. Her red nails and the light of the cigarette were the only touch of color in a black and white world.
-Let me tell you a story. If this were a movie I would tell you this is based on a true story and I'd change the names of the main actors. But this is not a movie and you already know both of us, so... This is the story of Nathan and me. It's a story of heartbreak, and of love, in a way. You probably know most about it, too, so I'll summarize. Nathan has always been passionate, I liked that about him. He threw himself at me fearlessly. He opened my mind to new experiences, and for that I thank him. He was very vocal, from early on, about his feelings. He was sure about them. He knew he loved me. And that scared me. It didn't scare me because I didn't have feelings for him. I did. I still do, in a way. It scared me because I thought he wanted me to be something I'm not. I was scared to disappoint him. I never told him I loved him, not because I didn't, because I was scared to do so. Also, I have always been a practical person, I prefer acts to words, so I'd show him I loved him. It was not enough. However, that was not why we broke up.- her cigarette died off between her fingers and she lit another one.- We broke up because our love was destroying us. It wasn't a fire that becomes coals, it was a supernova. We are forces of nature, Nathan and I, he's explosive, purifying like the fire, like a lightning. I'm the sea, I'm calm until I'm not, I'm treacherous, changing, and I guess that, as Nathan said, relentless. We had spiraled out of control, a mutual addiction that was wrecking both our minds. Nathan developed an obsessive compulsive disorder, I returned to depression and self-harm. We both knew we could not live like that, but every time we stayed apart we fell back at it, harder even. Until the last time. We agreed to avoid contact at all costs. I erased his phone number and his email, yet I kept his address. I still care for him. I still send him postcards for Christmas and for his birthday. He never replied to any of them. Nor I expect him to. I assume he's okay. I know he's okay.
She fell silent again. I swallowed. I didn't know what to say. Nathan had just told me that she had broken up with him telling him she never wanted to see him again. He never mentioned the TOC, nor the postcards.
-Liam.- Eos called softly, I could tell she was crying.- How's Nathan?
-He's doing fine. He's dating a new girl, and seems quite happy.- I was careful about that last affirmation.
-I'm glad to hear. He deserves it. Will you do me a favor? Don't tell him you've seen me. I'd rather he didn't know. Can you do this for me?
I doubted. Eos was an extraordinary woman and Nathan had truly loved her. Didn't he deserve to know she loved him too? Yet, what she had said about how their relationship had broken them both,...
-Yes. I'll do this for you.
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