Relationships

I don't usually talk about really personal stuff in here because I'm not a 16 year old who is discovering love or Bridget Jones. Specially because I'm not Bridget Jones, or ever intend to be. But as a socially awkward person sometimes I just need to think outloud (and since people already thinks I'm crazy I'd rather do it in here that on the street).

I've always found it difficult to relate to real persons, to understand the problems of the people around me, and at the same time I've always found difficult to confess my secrets or my problems to my friends. I've got close friends, for sure, but I don't always open up as I should to share the burden.

As I said I'm socially awkward but in a kinda strange way, I can be really outgoing when everyone's new, but it takes me longer when I meet people who are already in a group. In a similar way I find it really easy to make friends with guys, but almost impossible to reach another level.

Of late I've only liked guys that had girlfriends, it's not that I met them and then they told me they had girlfriends so I thought that I had to like them, but rather that I met them, I started liking them and then I discovered they had girlfriends. Which I guess makes an awesome superpower since I can detect the boys that are willing to be in a committed relationship (although not with me).

After that I though about the kind of romantic relationships around me, I know some couples that have been dating since they were really really young and they are already moving in together, I know some people who have had long lasting relationships and they are what you would call "serial monogamists", I know some other people who aren't looking for anything serious so they have one-night stands, and then there's people like me who have nothing at all. Actually I'm not even looking for anything, sometimes I think it'd be nice to have someone who comforts you and everything, but I'm a really independent person and I can't stand having someone around me all the time, I really need to have my own space. I guess the only chance of having a long lasting relationship is finding someone like me, though if he's like me he'll be doing exactly the same I'm doing, pushing away anyone who dares to get too close.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I no longer know what is supposed to be a normal relationship, because in evolutionary terms, right now, nothing makes sense. I mean why are we still staying with the same person most of our lives, if what should interest us the most is to find the most fit individual to have offspring with? This is particularly true for guys, they should try to have kids with as many women as possible so they can spread their genes. And still there are some men who decide not to. Ok, yes tell me whatever, but you know that out there there are married men who have kids outside marriage with other women, so why are we restricting evolution and denying nature?

I know I have a strange view on relationships for someone who is so unlucky on them, but I don't know it's just what I see, maybe it is the society that's strange or maybe it's just that I cannot understand it.