Lifesaver

The thing with players is that you don't learn how to identify them until they've broken your heart and trampled with the remains. Of course, that's too late as you have already lost your faith in love and in relationships. You already think that every guy is actually a two-faced bastard. You want to tell everyone to be careful, but no one believes you because they haven't had their hearts broken. Yet, you can still tell stories, cautionary tales in a way, about the guy who said he loved you but he didn't.

I met Mark at a bookstore. I was looking for something new to read, he was simply there. I don't even know what he was doing there as I have never seen him pick up a book. That should have probably been the first red flag, if someone thinks that novels are useless, run away from them as fast as you can. Yet, in that moment, all that I saw was a cute guy who, for some reason, seemed to be interested in me. And I needed attention. Alone and friendless in a new city, I was in need of a friend and Mark seemed like the perfect guy for the job. 

He took me to all the interesting places in town and to a few of its hidden gems. And, although I didn't really know much of his life, only the things he wanted me to know, I relied on him. He was my lifesaver, my only support away from my friends and family. And he knew it. One day, about four months after we met, I was waiting for him at the cinema, I waited for him for an hour, until he finally picked up the phone to tell me that something had come up and that he hadn't been able to call me. He told me he would make it up to me. And he did. And he kept being tender and sweet. And I started having feelings for him. Feelings that he seemed to reciprocate. He treated me like a queen, telling me that I'd fly away from him some day because I was too good for him. That made me scared of being a failure to him, but at that point I needed him. 

We started dating at some point, friendship blended into a relationship. And that was when he started canceling on me regularly. My lifesaver was letting me sink. Yet, every time I confronted him about it, he promised me he would change, that he had so much stress, that I took up so much time, that he couldn't lose me because I was perfect and he'd rather kill himself than see me with someone else. And I would forgive him because, for some reason, I loved him and I could see us having a life together. I endured this situation for eight months, telling myself it would get better. But it didn't, it only got worse. He spent most of his time with me trying to fix previous mistakes, but I had had enough. It had to end and I told him so. He begged me not to leave, not to do that to him. He asked me what was he supposed to do. He asked me if there was someone else. He begged for yet another opportunity. And he finally gave up. 

I saw him two weeks ago, barely a month after our break up. He was holding hands with another girl. I couldn't believe my eyes, mister "What-am-I-going-to-do-without-you?" was already dating someone new. It hurt because I still hadn't forgotten. I tried to keep him away from my mind, I told myself that we were doomed to fail, but it still hurt. I saw him again two days ago. I had gone to the bookstore, the same one where I met him, to pick something funny to read. And there he was talking to another girl, one that definitely was not the same one I had seen him holding hands with. I told myself not to jump into any conclusions, but he was doing exactly the same he had done when we met. He picked up the book she was holding, checked it out, and smiled tilting his head. I had to fight my impulse to go there and punch his stupid face. That girl I had seen him with, that girl he probably met and started dating as we were still together, a safety net of sorts, and he was trying to find his next one. My nails dug onto my palms as I clenched my hands into fists. The damned bastard! I left the bookstore in a hurry, my blood boiling with rage. 

I called him that same afternoon, I had found some of his stuff in my place and I wanted it gone. He was dry and told me to stop hurting him as if that were my favorite pastime. He also told me he was disappointed with my attitude and chastised me for five minutes before agreeing to come yesterday. And he came. I was waiting and ready when the doorbell rang. 

-Hi.- he said. 

-Hi, come in.- I was the image of coolness.- I made coffee.

-I only came to pick up my things.- he insisted.

-Let's be civilized about this, will we?- I replied, he shook his head, but came in.

He followed me into the kitchen where I poured him some coffee, no sugar like I knew he liked. I sat down, but he didn't accept my invitation for a seat.

-What do you want?- he said, aggressively, his coffee getting cold on the counter.

-Talk.

-We have done enough talking already.

-I saw you with a girl, the other day on the street. You have found yourself a new girlfriend surprisingly fast.- I said ignoring him.

-Sometimes people are lucky.- he mumbled.

-I also saw you at the bookstore, two days ago. I never understood why you went to the bookstore so often, taking into account you think novels are a waste of time. But now I know. You go there to pick up girls.

-What are you talking about?- he pretended to be offended, but I could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what I was talking about.

-I saw you talking to this girl. She was really pretty but looked a bit lost. Remember how when we met you picked up the book I had chosen and returned it to me with a smile? You did that same thing. And then it hit me, maybe the reason why you have found a new girlfriend this fast is because you were already dating her when we met. Maybe you were already dating someone when you met me. Maybe you're simply the biggest asshole in town.- he flinched at that.- At some point during our relationship, I even considered that maybe you were the one. And when we broke up I felt bad for you, because you told me you wouldn't be able to live without me, that you didn't even want to imagine me in someone else's arms. YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME. Filthy liar.

-Stop being irrational.- Mark replied calmly.- I want a family, but I can't wait for women to be ready, I need to find one to be ready. You don't put all your eggs in one basket, do you?

He looked at me satisfied by his explanation.

-Bloody bastard.- I whispered as I stood up from my chair.

Some will say that what I did next was due to the fury consuming me, but it wasn't. It was cold and exactly what I needed to do. I walked up to him and looked him in the eye.

-Do you know how many people are you hurting? Can you even see it?

He shrugged his shoulders as if it had nothing to do with him. My hand flew to the counter and picked a very sharp knife. In one movement I slit his throat open and he collapsed onto the floor, trying to speak through the flow of blood that was choking him. Tears finally came to my eyes and I cried for the time lost thinking he really loved me.