Sitting all alone on the porch she wondered if she would ever feel alone. Grace had married Terry almost twenty years ago, and they had two children. She wasn't alone, but she felt so. As she watched the rain fall, her memories took her back to the days of her youth.
It was a cloudy fall day, and she was walking to her class in college all bundled up, she was from a southern state and wasn't used to the more severe weather in the north. Terry always made fun of her. They had met in their first year and became instant friends, Grace knew that he felt something else, but she wasn't sure he was the right one. She walked into the lecture hall and sat next to Isabel. Isabel was a strong woman who dressed like a man and had her dark hair cropped short. And she was a lesbian. And her best friend.
Isabel and Grace hadn't had the best of the starts, they had met at a debate group, were Grace defended her more conservative views, in opposition to Isabel's ideas. After a rocky start, they started hanging out, and they both moderated their sharp opinions. Grace's world changed after that and she saw that not everything was black or white.
As soon as Grace sat down, Isabel showed her some pamphlets about a demonstration the following Saturday. Grace looked at them and saw that Isabel's organization was behind it, of course she would go, she told her friend. Saturday came and Grace was side by side with Isabel, Terry was there too, he always wanted to show her girlfriend support, with the hope that she would love him more. However, the demonstration went awry and the police started chasing people off. Terry and Grace separated, and Grace desperately clung onto Isabel's hand. Her friend pulled her into an alley and they hid there until the police had passed.
-That was close, I've never been so afraid in my life.- said Grace, her long brown hair a complete mess.
-I have to admit that I'm scared too.
Grace saw that she was still clutching to Isabel, and she felt the warmth of her friend through her thick woolen sweater. In an impulse she got closer and kissed her. Isabel kissed her back, but she finally broke the kiss, and held her by the chin.
-Listen, Grace. You're going out with Terry, maybe you don't know if you love him, but you're still going out with him. I don't want to hurt anybody. So don't do this again.
-But,...
-Grace, why did you kiss me?
-I had to. I don't know. I think I love you.
Isabel simply shook her head.
-You need to put your thoughts in order, when you really know what you want, you can come back to me, until then, let's remain friends.
Grace knew that she loved Isabel, but she was also too afraid to admit it. So, when Terry proposed she said yes, even if she knew she didn't love him enough. They married as soon as they finished college and moved to another state. Grace tried to leave a happy life, knowing that she would never truly be happy without Isabel, but being too afraid to go seek her.
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