Feminism (Women’s Day)

Are you a person who is confused about feminism? Particularly about why do we still need it; and who thinks that feminists are ugly women who don't shave or wear makeup and who are just bitter because they can't get a man and who are probably just man-hating lesbians who just need to get fucked by a real man? Are you a woman who thinks we don't need feminism because look where we are already? Have you ever considered the intrinsic misogyny of this rotten patriarchal system? 

Oh, guy, you are in the right place, take a seat because this girl is going to give you a lesson on what feminism means. Warning, it contains profanity because a) it is me, b) I get fucking worked up when talking about this, c) no, I'm not going to fucking tone down my bloody language so it is more ladylike because fuck it that’s why. 

Anyway, let’s start talking about what feminism DOESN’T mean because you lot sure seem to be confused about it. First, we need to examine male privilege, and yes that’s a thing that exists and any white cis straight man in a developed nation who has a relative amount of money and no visible or invisible disability NEEDS TO ACKNOWLEDGE HIS FUCKING PRIVILEGE. Have you ever gone to a job interview and been asked if you planned to have children anytime soon because ”we can't really have you off work for several months”? Have you ever been told to go fetch your superior because there’s no way that you are the one in charge despite being? Has anyone thought that you are not knowledgeable about a topic because you are a man? Have you ever been referred as ”Mister” while your female colleagues who do not have PhDs are referred as ”Dr.”? Have you ever earned less money than your female colleagues despite developing the same exact task? Have you been ever described as "bossy" for asking for what you think you are worth? Have you ever seen how female colleagues who were equally or less prepared than you get a promotion while you stayed in place? Has your virginity been given the status of a precious thing that must not be given away to whoever you want because it represents your purity and anyway if you go around fucking people your dick is going to shrink so it won't give pleasure to THE ONE? Has your virginity ever been a coin of change? Have you been ever described as a "slut" for sleeping with women? Have you ever had to worry that your future wife will think that you are not a virgin because you don't bleed the first time you fuck and thus she will murder you? Have you ever been told that sex HAS TO BE painful the first time you do it? Have you ever been told that your pleasure doesn't matter that the only important one is hers? Have you ever been scared to walk alone back home at night because there is a woman who is walking just behind you? Have you been told to cover yourself up because you were distracting female colleagues or that the way you dressed was the reason behind a sexual assault? Have you been told to show some skin or to smile by some random woman on the street? Have you ever received rape threats? Have you ever been afraid to upset a woman you went on a date with in case they became violent?  Have you been ever told that you were raped because of the clothes you were wearing? Have you ever been violently assaulted or killed after a date because you hadn't disclosed your trans identity? Have you ever been told that your physical pain doesn't matter and that there is no way that you are in so much pain and to stop being such a baby even when you are in pain once a month? Have you ever been pushed into thinking that a natural process that happens in your body every month is a source of disgust and shame to the point that you are driven out of your own house? Have you ever been forced to marry a woman several years older than you? Have you ever been banned from going out on the street unaccompanied by a woman? Has your body and reproductive health ever been policed by a group of old women who know nothing about it? Have you ever been forced to carry the child of your rapist? Have you ever been denied an education because you were a man? Have you ever had to abandon your studies to take care of an elder relative just because you were a man and that's what men are supposed to do? Have you ever had to abandon your work because you had children and that's what men should do? Have you ever returned from work tired but have had to do all the housework by yourself because that's what men do? 

I could go on forever, but you get the idea. Maybe you haven't answered "no" to all the questions and I know that you are going to tell me that there is something that never happened to be. And it is true, I acknowledge my privilege as a white cis straight-passing woman. I acknowledge that I have had opportunities that women from other countries or from less privileged backgrounds do not have. I acknowledge that my skin color has probably helped me in more than one situation and I have never been discriminated against because of it. I acknowledge that being cis has spared me from the violence many trans-women and non-binary folk experience. I also acknowledge that being straight-passing despite being queer ("Surprise!" said no one at this point), has spared me from comments and harassing experienced by other queer people. So, yes I am privileged, but I am choosing to use this privilege for good, to stand next to the people who are suffering and help them find their voice, to listen to them when they fight for their rights, and I am also using my energy to fight for the rights that I still not have. 

Once we have done our privilege check, let's see what feminism is NOT. Feminism is not about hating men, feminism is not about punishing men or stripping them of their rights and their safety. Feminism is not about not wearing bras or makeup or shaving. Feminism is not about stopping having children or stop being stay-at-home mothers if we want to. Feminism is not about reversing privilege so it becomes female privilege. And it is NOT about murdering men in their sleep.  

"But Laura," you will say, "that's all that those misogynistic people I got my ideas from have ever told me? How do you expect me to change my mind about the evils of feminism?"

Well, growing up is admitting that you are mistaken about some things and willing to change your ways about it. So if you are still with me I will tell you what feminism means. Ready?

Feminism means that everyone gets to have the same rights and opportunities and that no one is discriminated against by reasons of gender, race, sexuality, disability, or any other reason (except if you are a Nazi if you are a nazi you get punched and you can go fuck yourself). 

See, easy? Intersectional feminism is not hard. Stil not convinced? Do you need examples of how feminism can make your life better? Okay, let's go.

Feminism is also fighting against some deeply stuck concepts that are facing men, such as that men do not show their feelings and therefore do not cry. That men need to be strong. That men need to provide for the family. Feminism seeks to get the men from the future and from today to be able to cry in public if they need to without being mocked by their peers. To have them not feel bad when they are not strong enough. To tell them that being a stay-at-home dad is okay if it is what they want to do. That having their wives earning more money than them is not threatening them or their masculinity. Feminism wants to teach people that "gay" is not an insult and that having gay friends does not menace your virility, as well as finding a man handsome doesn't. It wants to teach that there are other ways to solve conflicts that do not involve violence. Feminism wants to help everyone understand that men who have been sexually or emotionally abused by either men or women are not weak, but victims. That raising a child is a work of two people and that both parents should have equal rights over their children in case of divorce. Feminism wants to get rid of those labels that are stuck to certain jobs as being "for men" or "for women" so boys and girls can be whatever they want and not whatever they are told to. It wants to get rid of the gendering of clothes, toys, makeup, and, for fuck's sake, FUCKING COLORS. It searches to normalize the gender spectrum and all kind of sexual orientations. And yes, it wants for girls and women worldwide to have the same rights as boys and men while raising the living standards of everyone. Still not convinced? Just think that when years pass, there will be a good side of the history and a bad one, on which side do you want to be. 

Did I convince you? Do you want to know what you can do to help? Well, feminism is about action, not about posts on social media or about giving up flowers on days like today (DO. NOT. DO. THIS.). Do not wish us a Happy Women’s Day, this is not a celebration. It is s fight. You can help by doing your share (50% share) at home instead of relying on your S.O. to do everything, IT IS ALSO YOUR FUCKING HOUSE. Make sure that your female colleagues earn the same as you. Make sure that women are promoted at work. Promote a good work-life balance in your work. Promote a safe environment at work with zero tolerance for sexual harassment. DO NOT FUCKING SEXUALLY HARASS WOMEN AT WORK OR ON THE STREET OR EVER REALLY. Do not reinforce sexist stereotypes when you educate your children. Speak up when people have misogynistic attitudes. DO NOT FUCKING HAVE FUCKING MISOGYNISTIC ATTITUDES. Do not use the ”like a girl” in a demeaning manner. Do not say that there are jobs for men and jobs for women. Do not consider women an object. Do not reinforce trans and homophobic behaviors. Stop associating masculinity with violence. Stop talking about the ”friend-zone” as if women owed you anything. Stop having violent reactions when a woman rejects you, including calling them ”bitch” and ”slut”. Stop sending unsolicited dick pics and asking for nudes. In general, respect women not because you have a mother/sister/wife/daughter, but because WE TOO ARE FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS.