Letter to what could have been but never was

This letter is for you, even if you will probably never read it, or maybe you will and ignore the fact that it is for you, or you will and you will pretend you never did as with so many things.

I should have told you lots of things there last few months, but I never dared, though I know you knew. Maybe now it doesn't make sense anymore, but I'm doing this for myself so I can come clean and start anew.

I think I loved you, for sure I did, and I was so scared to lose you that I was paralyzed. It is funny how little can I fight for the things I really care for. I cared for you, I still do, though in a different way, but I couldn't fight for you. All those stupid sleepless nights, all the mood changes I endured, all for nothing, because I couldn't be brave enough and you couldn't be brave enough to tell me that you knew.

And now it's over, I know it's over, and you've know even for longer than I have, still you think that I might not be able to handle the truth, or maybe you're being selfish and you've other reasons not to tell me. Anyway, we both know I do not deserve it. Even if I did not fight for you; I deserve you to tell me that you'd rather love another for whatever the reason. But, even if you know you can't hide it forever and even if you have told everyone but me, and even if you think that I must know already, you still prefer not to tell me, as if you were waiting for the perfect moment.

Well, there are no perfect moments, and if there were they happened so long ago it doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that truly matters is the time you've made me lose. I do obsess over things, it is the way I am, and I stay obsessed for longer than it would be healthy. I'm terribly faithful and I wouldn't even consider thinking about another. How could I even look at someone else when you existed in my life? It turns out I was just being stupid and blind.

But my eyes opened and now I can see clearly that this could have been but it never was, and that we will stay friends and only that.

However, friends stay clear with one another and they tell the truths as they are. We are no longer two teenagers who can't face problems, we're adults, even if we never handle the problems as such.

So I just want to ask you to man up, and tell the truth so we can be real friends in the end.