Microaggressions

Girls tend to be told they need to be nice and thankful. It's something that has deep roots in our society and we don't even notice ourselves until something happens. Most of the times we tell ourselves that we are nice because we are good people, but sometimes, we realize that we have been trained to act this way. This is a post on microaggressions, feminism, and standing up for our rights. 

How many times have you automatically replied with a "thank you" when someone called you beautiful, even if it made you feel uncomfortable?

How many times has a man commented on your attractiveness without being asked and you just wished you could just vanish? 

How many times have you posted a picture online for whatever the reason and found that men commented it to tell you how beautiful you look in it even if the reason why you posted it was completely unrelated? 

How many times had a stranger approached you on the street and tried to invite you for a drink and you just simply invented an excuse not to go with him?

How many times have you walked down the street and felt like a piece of meat, eyes following you hungrily? 

How many times have you felt stalked by a man, having him talking to you and making you uncomfortable, but still awkwardly replying, because you would feel bad if you let them hanging? 

How many times have you received compliments that went over the top?

How many times has a man insisted on you doing something you didn't want to do? 

All this has happened to me, some things more than once. And what did I do every single time? Smile and shrug it off. Not wanting to hurt someone else feelings. Sometimes, I would simply ignore it with the hopes that they would go away if they didn't get any attention. But not anymore, the reason why some men feel entitled to treat us like this is that we never stand up and teach them that's not the right way to treat a woman. We are much more than "beautiful" or "attractive", we are much more than that. If we post selfies or pictures in the social media is not because we are searching for your approval. If we dress in a specific way is not because we want to show our bodies to you (damn! In my case I'm wearing the maximum amount of clothing I can wear while it still being the minimum socially acceptable amount of clothing one can wear on the street, and I still feel like I'm going to die because of the heat). We are autonomous beings who don't need to be told what to do, who don't require unsolicited advice. We are not so fragile that we need men to compliment us on everything we do, we know what we are able to do and, sometimes, compliments feel patronizing almost surprised at the fact that a woman could do that. 

Here's a lesson for all men: if we don't ask for your opinion, don't give it to us. If you know a woman only in a vague way don't overcompliment her, it is okay to say nice things every now and then, but watch your forms, there are ways to say them. Don't stalk women, don't creep on them. And, if you're making a woman uncomfortable, back off. In a few words, think before you act, think: "am I doing this because I feel entitled to do so? Am I potentially going to make her uncomfortable?", it only takes one second. 

Here's something for all women: we don't have to be nice to everyone, if we don't like something or we feel uncomfortable we should speak out, we should stop it before it's too late. If men don't know they are making us feel uncomfortable they are never going to stop.