She had given up on love a long time ago. She was shy and awkward, and she didn't know how to talk to men in normal situations. Also, deep down she was scarred. She had had some trouble socializing at school, she wasn't popular, and some guys made fun of her because she wasn't pretty. It all had been a long time ago, but she still had confidence issues. Whenever a guy liked her, she would go back to high-school memories and think it was impossible, that she was horrendous and that no one would ever like her physically.
When he arrived along, and started talking to her, she realized he was cute, but thought that nothing would ever happen. What were the chances after all? He was cute, even handsome, and smart. She never believed she would be enough for him, although people would tell her that she was more than he deserved. But she couldn't see it, she was too busy trying to convince herself that she was enough.
Somehow, they became friends. Really close friends. Quite unexpectedly, she found herself waiting for those little moments of intimacy that never went further than talking to each other. She found herself anxious, on a roller-coaster of emotions, her mood influenced by his, but not being able to find the guts to tell him how she felt. She loved him. Sometimes, the tension in the air was so thick it could almost be seen. Everyone around could see it. And the months passed and nothing happened. Only frustration and sleepless nights, and the wish for something that had been postponed for too long to work.
And then the news. "He has a girlfriend" they told her "everyone knows". First, the denial, the thinking that even if nothing had happened, he was still her friend. That he would tell her something like that, because that is what friends are supposed to do. Then, an irrational hate. Channeling all the frustration, all the lost time. But she wasn't able to be angry at him for too long. Unknowingly he disarmed her, making her vulnerable, stripping her from her armor. The guilt of not being able to keep her position, of still loving him, even if he loved another. Finally, a refractive period, in which everyone pretended that nothing had happened. When she pretended to support him, regardless, when she kept pretending that she didn't know anything, even if she did, even if what hurt the most was him not having told her.
Fortunately, what she needed, which was some time on her own to put her ideas together, happened just on time. She didn't know yet, but having to deny that it hurt all the time, was crippling her. She went far away, lived adventures, became a new person, and realized what is really important in life. And her new self, went back home.
Realization sunk in really fast. He truly didn't deserve her. If he couldn't be true to her, even as friends, if he hadn't been able to be brave and tell her what his feelings were, if he had been making her feel miserable most of the time, why should he deserve her? She also realized that he knew he had lost her. Her change of attitude had been noticeable. Maybe there still was something in the air, but the baggage he was carrying was too much to bear, and she had taken some decisions of her own.
She didn't need him, or anyone, to know she was beautiful in her own way. And most of all, she realized that the only people she needed was the people who told her the truth, as hard to swallow as it could be. She didn't need lies and puppy eyes. She didn't need stupid heartbreaks.
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