Seth was one of these people that you know all your life but still can surprise you. We first met when we were six and became fast friends, maybe because we lived close to each other or because we had similar interests. Though, since we were so young it is difficult to pinpoint which were our affinities. We shared all our childhood and adolescence together and, when the time came to go to college, it was the first time that we would lead separate lives.
We were a weird couple, not only because I am a girl and he was a boy, but because even if we were always together we never had feelings for each other, and also because we had no other close friends. Growing up, everyone told me that I should have some girlfriends and do girly things, but I felt I could be feminine enough while still hanging out with Seth. I didn't have the need to waste my time talking make up or clothing. Back in hindsight, is as if we had been adults all our lives, talking about life and death when most of the kids were talking about TV shows. We were different.
I want to focus on the immediate period before Seth and I parted ways and went to college, that was the last summer of our lives, the best one, but also the saddest one. I took up a summer job to save some money for college, Seth passed his days reading books under a tree in his house's garden. I would go and pick him up to go to the beach or to the swimming pool, though I should actually say that I had to drag him around. Seth was never a people's person, but he was getting more introvert as he grew up, as I was getting much more outgoing. It was a pain to go out with him, sometimes having him mumbling insults at everyone who dared to approach him.
One day, I took him to a party that someone was throwing out as a farewell. He displayed his usual stubbornness saying that he didn't want to go and that there was no one interesting in there. He was always on the lookout for interesting people, and he was really frustrated that summer because he already knew everyone and no one was interesting enough. I guess that I was interesting enough so he could tolerate me, but I did never fulfill his needs. I finally got him in the car and drove to the party. He was silent all along and I never tried to make him speak. We got to the party and he behaved like a normal person for a while, a normal awkward person, but finally he got tired and started asking strange questions to the people who went to talk with him. I knew this strategy, it meant he wanted to stay alone and that he didn't care where it was, the ideal would have been on the moon for him. After a while I saw him talking to himself on a corner of the room and I knew it was time to leave. I didn't mind his talking, but I knew that people would think that he was crazier than he looked like and it would only do him wrong. Seth talked to himself a lot, but it was just an escape valve for his overloaded mind. He thought so much that he needed to relief the pressure, and the best way was to put his thinking in order out loud. We left the party and I drove him home, he had again stopped talking and seemed to be in his own world. That was a bit too much, I knew something was happening and I needed to know what was it. I dropped him off at his house and started planning how could I get to know what was going on inside his mind.
The following week I took a couple of days off in my summer job and picked up Seth for an excursion. He didn't actually knew where we were going or for how long, but since his perception of time and space was different to everyone else, he didn't actually mind. I packed enough food and camping stuff for both of us and drove him into the desert. I used to camp in the desert with my family when I was a kid so I knew exactly what I had to do and where I had to camp. Seth, on the other hand, had never been there and I felt that it was what he needed.
When we got to the place he was astonished. The vastness of it and the sense of solitude. He went and climbed a lonely rock and stood there for ten minutes. I wasn't counting on him to plant the tend so I started on my own. After a while he came back and started helping silently. When the sunset arrived I lit up a campfire to cook and he sat by it staring at the flames. He hadn't said anything since he got out of the car. It wasn't unusual, but it still made me uncomfortable, even if I talked to him he wouldn't take his eyes off the flames as if he were drinking energy from it. We ate in silence and stared at the stars, so shiny and so many.
After a while Seth sat up, looked at me and abandoned his silence.
-Why are you doing this?- he asked.
-Why not?
-I wouldn't do it.
-That's the main reason.- I replied.
He stared at me, then he sighed and closed his eyes.
-So, thank you, I guess.
He laid back with his eyes closed, but I could see he was still awake.
-I'm getting in the tent to sleep, goodnight.
He never replied, but I knew he had heard me, so I got into the tent and went to sleep.
The following morning the rays of sunshine woke me up. I looked by my side inside the tent, to see if Seth was there, he wasn't and his sleeping bag was as I had left it the previous day. He had clearly not come in to sleep. I stretched and got out of the tent. The fire had been off for hours, but it had burned down to ashes so Seth might have stayed until it went off. There was a blanket by the fireplace and some of the food I had laid off was missing. I wondered where would Seth be, I decided to have breakfast and wait for him for a while, if he hadn't come by midday I'd go look for him.
The hours passed by and Seth never appeared. I prepared a backpack with some stuff I thought I might need and took off. It was a really rocky desert, so there were many hiding spots, I made myself visible by wearing bright colors so Seth would know I was looking for him. I looked for him for hours, but as the sun was going down I decided to get back to the tent.
However, he wasn't there either. But he had been. He had taken all his stuff, and left a note.
"Thanks for this. I've finally found what is right for me. Don't look for me, if I need you I'll find you. Have faith in yourself. Love, Seth."
I knew there was nothing I could do. If he had told me not to look for me, I wouldn't be able to find him even if I wanted to. I left with a heavy heart, wondering when I would see him again, what would he do with his life, and what to tell his parents. He took care about the last point, surprisingly, calling them, they were used to the eccentricities of their son, already, so they resigned silently.
Seth told me he would find me if he needed me, and after all this years I still haven't known from him. I want to think that he is happy, wherever he is, that he is free, and that he is living the life he had always wanted. I really hope he is. But I will never know.
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